I call my friend before I walk into a party every time.
I don't want to feel nervous, but I do.
I want to leave.
I forced myself to stay.
I tell myself everything will be alright.
I try to act normal.
I avoid eye contacts.
My brain tells me I don't belong.
But I know it's just my anxiety.
I stay and deal.
I have conversations with myself in my head.
I left.
I regret about it.
I hate myself for not doing it right.
It seems so easy, yet so hard.
I tell myself to try again next time.
I practice every time.
It never goes the way I hope it to be.
I hate myself.
I feel so bad.
To anyone that thinks I'm hard to deal with.
I'm sorry.
